On the Upbeat, Positively Carolan

Mouthing Off

I didn’t make it to the gym today.
That makes five years in a row.

I decided to call the bathroom the Jim instead of John.
I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.
We haven’t met yet.

I don’t need anger management.
I need people to stop irritating me!

My people skills are just fine.
It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs working on.

If the maker wanted me to touch my toes.
He would’ve put them on my knees.

I’m going to retire and live off of my savings.
Not sure what I’ll do the second week.

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid.
But it can muffle the sound!

Of course I talk to myself.
Sometimes I need expert advice.

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